The aggressive shopping cart person: You feel like you’re being assaulted by them as they weave their cart in the aisle, not watching where they are going. What’s the rush? None, apparently, because once they get to where they want to go they leave their cart in the middle of the aisle and browse at a ludicrously slow pace. You fear the sound of their cart rattling behind you as they threaten to ram you down, so you increase your pace but they never let up. If you try to get out of the way, they stop their cart right next to you and resume when you do.
The make-me-an-exception person: When you’re behind this guy in line you feel like punching him in the face and rejoicing with the crowd around you. The return policy is 15 days with a receipt? Oh, and they’re 4 months over with no receipt? What makes them think they can get whatever they want? The sad thing is, this person often does get what they want because everyone is too annoyed to put up with their crap. They’ve been taking up a customer service rep for an hour, and the only way to get them out of there is to give in.
The this-movie-is-beneath-me person: You’re waiting for the movie to start and you hear that guy. You know, the one who criticizes every aspect of the movie before it has even started. The casting looks terrible, the CGI looks mediocre. What a joke, who would make this into a movie? But wait, it isn’t over; once the movie starts they still don’t shut up. Why is the character doing that? This movie is stupid. Laughing at inappropriate times because they simply don’t understand what the movie is about. Before you go into a movie, make sure you know what it is about, you jerk.
The nothing-you-say-is-right person: If you haven’t met a person like this, you’re damn lucky. This breed is particularly horrific and irritating in that no matter what you say, what opinion you have even if it is a concurrent opinion, is wrong. I like Marvel. Oh, you like Marvel? Not as much as I do. Oh, you like hiking? That is absurdly stupid, no one likes hiking. I liked everything you like before you and my opinion is far more valid than you on virtually all topics, including ones I’ve never heard of.
The nonsensical-rage-towards-mundane-topics person: Whatever you do, don’t bring up Pepsi vs. Coke or the blazing whirlwind of terror will be unleashed upon you. This guy gets vein-bulging, blood-pressuring-rising worked up about the most pointless of topics. This usually ensues in a one-sided fight. How to eat an Oreo, toilet paper flipped up or down, and “soda” vs. “pop” are common fodder for the ongoing rage-fest. Could someone please tell him to take a Xanax and get real? Thanks.
Have any more? Drop a comment and add a new one. And if a single one of you adds “people who make lists like the one Eloise just did” I’ll throw you in a vat of slugs!